have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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