she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize