i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
