Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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