Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
