Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
