am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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