jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Bring me that man meat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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