no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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