I heard we made out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
