I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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