To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
