Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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