Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
