Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
