Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
