So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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