I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
