Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
