You really coming over, don't trick.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
