You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize