nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize