She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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