You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You are a genius and a whore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
