i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
