...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
