$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't make any sense
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