its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
