Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
