anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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