can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
