Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
