I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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