So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's never too late to be topless.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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