Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ruined the universe
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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