After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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