That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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