3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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