I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
