i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
