I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
