She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
