ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Fuck appropriateness.
is wine microwaveable?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
