one two three fourrrrnication!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
