She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
BRING THE BAGELS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
