There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
