considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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