Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
