the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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