Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
