Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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