Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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