you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
