getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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