i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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