: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
