My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
