I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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