Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
