Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
