we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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