we're blogging at a bar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
