sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pants are for mortals
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
