Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
