I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
