btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
