he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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