Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We had to coat check the pizza.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
