wakey wakey hands off snakey
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We got so high we made milksteak
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
