Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
