I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i believe in u and ur pee
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
