Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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