You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
