I wish I could teleport
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
