wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
