fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
