do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
