i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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