Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
