its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
