I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
