I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
