I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
