don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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