nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
