she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
