I think my vagina is haunted
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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