Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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