yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
