...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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